Since the Bournemouth marathon I have…

Memorised the telephone number and menu of every take away in a twenty mile radius, wrestled bears and chopped down trees, remodelled space to make it easier to navigate, designed furniture for royalty and built it using wood from trees long extinct, scaled the World’s highest mountains from the comfort of my sofa, mastered the art of seduction by practicing on houseplants; juggled citrus fruit and inadvertently come up with the best cocktail known to man in the process, lost the recipe for said cocktail and spent 8 days drunk trying to rediscover it; I’ve been swimming, swallowed by a whale and lived inside it for a month, we visited Iceland, Finland and Scotland but never set foot on land; I’ve read the complete works of Tolstoy, Shakespeare and Katie Price; done a feasibility study on the likelihood of Earth being attacked by giant goldfish (and discovered we are all doomed), won the lottery three times but lost my ticket four; I have mastered massage and become a ninja, but stopped practicing both when I got confused and relaxed a mugger and killed a lover; I have listened to the combined musical outputs of One Direction, Olly Murs and Justin Bieber and failed to find the point; I have reviewed every item on Amazon, I have lied but been honest about it.

I have been busy.

But the one thing I haven’t done is run.

And now I am destined to pay the price with hard work and pain as January begins and with it the unavoidable truth that I run my third marathon in 96 days.

Let’s get this done.