A short note on why running is ace.

Humans have a deep-rooted and innate need to measure themselves against a spurious set of metrics or values, almost always setting unachievable goals for success.

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Even the sweaty selfie has got competitive!

I can give you a few examples… No matter what car you drive you will always be looking at the next, better purchase (I actually did some research in to this many years ago, the car buying cycle is possibly the greatest example of consumerism gone mad!). You move in to a new home, how long before you’re thinking about extending or maybe looking for something with a bigger garden? You leave the gym and open Instagram to post your latest sweaty selfie and there is a torrent of abs, tans and handstand press ups for you to aspire to in your feed…

We ascribe value to these things, the faster car or bigger house or better body, and we set our selves up for repeated failure in the pursuit of these ideals.

Running can be the same, indeed for some at the elite end of the field the only metric for success is stepping up on to the podium. But for us runners back in the pack, the social runners and club runners, it may just be the best source of success we could have.

It’s very rare we run “to failure”. It’s common in physical training to keep pushing that tin until you can’t possibly lift it any more, that’s a perfectly legit recognised training pattern and it works. But not in running.

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Running to failure would be stupid, especially if you failed miles from home!

For us, we set ourselves more realistic targets, and we go out and achieve them with metronomic regularity. We step out the door for a 5 mile run, and we don’t come back until we’ve run five miles. It may not be as quick as we’d hoped and there may have been a few more walked road crossings than we’d wanted but we have hit our goal, we ran 5 miles. We have a training session to complete, 10 x 400 metres, so what do we do? We run 10 x 400 metres and achieve our goal. Maybe one or two were a little off the pace but the goal has been reached. Running brings us these little successes on a regular basis and that’s why we keep lacing up and heading out.

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They won at running!

I accept that there are occasional hiccups, a run cut short for example, and there will be those who’s values are such that missing a target time is the end of the world, but for most of us most runs are a big fat W in the result column, a win we can celebrate. The best bit? We can win again tomorrow, and the next day and twice at weekends.

In a world designed to make us feel insecure running gives us the security of knowing we can achieve what we set out to, even if we do come back to the old car parked outside our small house.

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The 150th parkrun that wasn’t…

Today should have been my 150th parkrun, but I walked off the course halfway through.

Today, for the first time, my mental strength was just as poor as my physical fitness and I just couldn’t find a reason to keep shuffling around the course. This wasn’t how my 150th parkrun was meant to be; my 100th was under 24 minutes, I didn’t want my next milestone to be 40 minutes of pain and disappointment. I’d thought of going the distance and just avoiding the finish, but I didn’t want the questions that would come with it, so I quietly strolled off the course and hid in the crowds.

As I was heading home a little later I realised this was a culmination of a period of declining physical and mental health and had to pull the car over for a minute to gather myself.

At the turn of the year, knowing I couldn’t be setting any running goals for a while, I set myself a different target for 2018. In the very first conversation I had about it I was told it was impossible and I’d never do it. I believed them, and haven’t taken a single step forward since. This story has repeated several times over the last few months, a series of failures has set a level of expectancy that things will not go well, in any circumstance, and I’ve reacted by avoiding trying.

It’s manifested itself in many ways. I haven’t tried training because I’m so unhealthy I can’t do it. Now I know the idiocy behind that statement, faced with that as a coach I’d be going bonkers about self-limiting beliefs and the like, but I can’t be my own coach because my brain works quicker than I can and not only plants the seed of doubt but waters it, nurtures it, helps it grow and presents me with a beautiful big tree of doubt before I have the chance to try and argue with myself. This has spilled over in to other areas of self care. I am eating utter shit, day in, day out, because why shouldn’t I?

Can’t train? May as well get fat. Three stone overweight? Well you can’t train then. – 

As well as neglecting my physical wellbeing I really haven’t looked after my head. Without the mind-altering joy of exercise I’ve allowed the negativity, failure and disappointment to build until I no longer do any of the things I enjoy. Not only have I stopped reading things I like (replaced by a succession of self-help books that tell you page after page to “love yourself” and “be your best you” – fuck off mate, I can barely get out of bed some days), I’ve stopped writing, stopped exploring music, stopped getting outdoors and stopped socialising.

And then there’s my work; I get it, no one really likes going to work, but mine is destroying me or maybe it already has. My working situation is so ridiculous that in the last 12 months I’ve been chastised repeatedly for being too confident and now I’m chastised again because I’m not social enough. Just a small example of the constant chipping away at my self-worth and self-belief. What advice have I been given? “Just quit, something will come up”. Brilliant, I’m pretty sure being homeless and destitute isn’t going to do anything to improve my situation.

So where does all this leave me? How do I deal with the fear of waking up every morning and going through another day like the last? Well right now it leads me to this moment and writing it down for the first time. I’m sure I’ll be horrified when I look back and see what I’ve written about myself (I’m hitting publish without any editing) but I needed to make it real somehow, somewhere, so I can face it and have something to deal with. I’m scared of speaking to the doctor because if I told him what’s in my head I’m either ending up in a padded cell or addicted to happy pills, but that’s the first logical step. I’ve been avoiding it because even being signed off work for a few days is enough to make life very difficult (sick pay? no chance!) but after this morning I know I have to do something. When the one thing I could always rely on to be my saviour no longer works it’s not new running shoes I need, it’s professional help, so that’s where I’m headed.

Just to tone down the melodrama a touch, please rest assured that I’m not at risk of self-harming (unless it’s with another burger and chips), I’m staying one step ahead of that and dealing with things. I don’t need wrapping in cotton wool or watching and I certainly don’t need taking for a pint (alcohol is a depressant, don’t force it on people who are depressed!). I just need a little understanding that I’m not me right now, and I know that, and I’m trying to come back from it so please be patient and kind while I do.

x.

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Cheltenham parkrun Podcast

As part of the 5th birthday celebrations for Cheltenham parkrun I got together with Event Directors Malc and Simon to chat about the history of our event, the triumphs and challenges and what the future may hold. You can take a listen to the 30 minute broadcast below.

 

 

This was my first ever attempt at recording on this equipment and editing using Audacity, so apologies for the peaks and tweaks but it was great fun. There may even be a second episode!

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40 Before 40: #15 Take a yoga class

As a runner and coach I understand the benefits of being bendy, of maintaining flexibility and the role yoga can play in being a better athlete. I’d never really tried it though and certainly wasn’t any good!

I’d tried to follow a few online tutorials with varying results. It’s hard to watch YouTube when in “downward dog” and never knowing if you’re doing things right annoys me. My enthusiasm never lasts long, hence the challenge of attending an actual class, with other people, who can see me fall over.

This is NOT a beginners class.

I first tried a class at Fitness First gym. I was assured it was beginner friendly and the instructor would be helpful etc…don’t believe a word of it! It started okay, just me and 40 other people all of whom could contort themselves inside-out. For 30 minutes I eagerly followed every instruction, even if I wasn’t stretching as far as those around me I was looking something like they were at least. Lots of arms in the air and legs apart, breathing when told to, only losing balance a couple of times. Then all of a sudden the instructor mumbled something incoherent and the entire class snapped to attention in a pose that looked like the aftermath of a car crash, limbs in places limbs shouldn’t go. I tried to copy them, but they were already on the move swapping arms for legs and before I knew it some of them were upside-down! For the last 30 minutes I floundered, not being able to follow a single instruction and feeling like I’d stumbled in to my own version of purgatory. The end couldn’t come soon enough!

I could have left it there, challenge completed, class attended, lesson learned… but in January 2018 I was convinced to have another go, in a smaller class that had the word “beginners” in the title. It helped that the class was above a favourite pub, so if it all went wrong at least I could drown my sorrows!

This class was much better. It was far more my level with slow movements, proper explanation and guidance on how it should feel when done right. I learned things in that first hour that made sense of a lot of what I’d done before. I learned how to move my weight and focus my efforts, and how I should be pushing in to the floor or up to the sky to make the stretch more powerful. It felt totally different to every previous yoga experience, I felt accomplished and when we finished I felt great. Over the next few days I tried some of the asana (poses) at home and it felt great again, like I was properly working as opposed to just getting in an uncomfortable position. I even tried a yoga app and was able to get much more from it now I understood a bit more. My more experienced companion didn’t get as much from the class, but as a future instructor hopefully she took something away from it. Yoga is scary and difficult to beginners, especially blokes, so simplifying it is a great skill to possess.

I’ve actually been back twice since and learned a little more each time. I’m not running at the moment but it will be interesting to see how the yoga skills and stretches will influence my recovery when I do. I’m excited to find out.

You can learn more about the instructor and classes I attended HERE

Do you have a favourite yoga pose? Any simple yoga routines online you can recommend? Just comment below…

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40 before 40: #8 Go Vegetarian For 30 Days

I should probably start by explaining my motivation for this one…

It is not borne of any desire to stop eating meat. I am a committed omnivore, I love meat. I understand all the reasons others decide not to eat it, but I also understand that bacon is life. My decision wasn’t based on compassion, or wanting to free all the cows. In the past I have been vocal in my advocacy for meat. Nando’s is a reason to stay alive; birthday steak is something to look forward to for 364 days of the year. In fact, I have been less than kind about vegetarians and vegans and their choices, unnecessarily so, and for that reason I first thought about making amends in some small way. It also seemed like a good opportunity to reduce the amount of calories I was consuming! What swung it and got vegetarianism on the list was the idea that I could spend 30 days learning new recipes, really getting to know the veg aisles at the supermarkets and exploring alternatives to my twice a day, every day meat consumption. I hoped to come out of this not craving meat and happy to go without a few times a week. I decided not to avoid fish though, so technically I was a pescetarian I guess.

The reality was quite different. I successfully avoided meat, but I’m not sure I actually increased my vegetable consumption!

It all started in something of a rush, as I realised that by chance I was going two days without meat, so it seemed sensible to continue it and only have 28 other days to worry about. A trip to the supermarket though soon revealed that planning would have been a good idea. With no recipes in mind I ended up buying pretty much what I usually would only without any meat! Pasta sauces became roasted vegetable rather than carbonara, there was a vegetarian pizza, and LOTS of bread and beans. These things became the staple of my diet, as I struggled to find the time or motivation to experiment or learn. My diet became primarily tuna pasta or beans on toast, and lots and lots of prawn mayo sandwiches.

As well as my own shopping, I realised how much meat was always on offer wherever I go. I opted for a free fry-up without bacon at a breakfast event, turned down my favourite ham sandwich, bbq burgers and a roast dinner; pretty much every food I was offered for a month was meat based!

So I did it, I went for 30 days without eating meat, and it was relatively easy but far from enjoyable. I do have a new found appreciation for the struggles of vegetarians to eat out and avoid meat, it is in practically everything we eat and firmly ingrained in the culinary psyche of the country. Whilst I haven’t learned anything about cooking I am now a little more likely to eat a meat free meal which I suppose is something.

But I still bloody love a bloody steak.

Heaven.

 

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